fake-ketchup:

my art skills are impeccable

daeneryus:

shutupaubrey:

princesschloepea:

life tip whatever dumb ass name you get siri to call you is what your iphone automatically signs your emails as. i have been applying to jobs for 2 months as queef.

image

#OH MY GOD OH GMY GOD OH MY GOD NO N ONO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO #HOLY SHIT #I HAVE BEEN APPLYING TO JOBS AS ANAL DESTROYER

(Source: princessblogonoke, via yuorwelcom)

refridgerator:

i only accept apologies in cash

(via jennyveee)

skylinesand-turnstiles:

throwback to this gem

rain-force:

I’m 200% sure if I was rich I would be the happiest person of the world

(Source: rain-force, via mechanicalalex)

hex-girlfriend:

i’m still pissed off about growing up

(via mechanicalalex)

girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via postulation)